The Battlefield of the 21st Century

After extensive research, I have figured out Al Qaeda's most recent method of terror. I have reason to believe they are trying to strike fear in our hearts by writing anti-American and anti-Israeli sentiments on the stalls of men's bathrooms in universities across the country!

What disappoints me about these attacks against our emotional well being, sense of nationalism, and feelings of safety is the individuals so revolted by these remarks that they can't help but defend this country's good name by responding, in kind, on a BATHROOM STALL! It makes me think of Jeff Foxworthy's classic routine, You Might be a Redneck:

If you feel compelled to climb to the top of a water tower with a can of
paint to defend your sister's honor, you might be a redneck!

I understand that the war on terror must be fought on many different fronts, but for god's sake, please leave our public bathrooms out of it! If you are one of those uber-patriotic people that can't help but respond, you might want to think about leaving all of your writing instruments, as well as all sharp objects, on the sink before you enter the stall. I know it might be difficult at first, but I know we can be better than this ...