How to say thank you...

Things have been rough for my queen and I lately, so much so that it has caused me to lose faith in myself and humanity in general. Life seems to be more expensive than either of us can afford sometimes, our physical health has been one catastrophe after another, and though I can't speak for my queen I feel like we as a couple or individuals could use ONE win every once in a while. It's because of this that my mental and emotional state has been from questionable to technically unstable. I have felt that when the lights go out and everyone is asleep I begin to feel so alone as despair sets in and I start to question my existence and purpose on this planet.

So it turns out that my medical problems are attributed to unexplained anemia, which is quite rare for a 30-year-old man that hasn't had a period in years! My queen on the other hand has learned her medical problems are due to gallstones. A month and a half ago, my queen started demonstrating debilitating painful symptoms of gallstones as the timing belt snapped on her car. Since we lack the thousand dollars to fix it, I am doing it myself. The problem is that I have fat fingers working on a 15 year old minivan with rusted out bolts and minimum mechanical experience. My queen had surgery on Friday and is still experiencing side-effects from the anaesthesia and the ball-bearings went out on my truck yesterday making a twenty minute drive from work an hour-and-a-half (at 15 MPH)and our only mode of transportation inoperable!

So with the prospects of our only form of transportation, Rosie's mom, leaving today I stayed up all night trying to get Rosie's car working but that nasty crankshaft pulley bolt just wouldn't budge, and it still won't. After three hours of trying I sat on the front step, smoked a cigarette, and cried for a while wondering how I/we were ever going to make it and whether it was even worth it to try! So at the risk of my self-destructive tendencies taking over with a vengeance, I took one my legally prescribed anti-anxiety drugs and got some sleep. So this morning I awoke and drove my queen's mom's car to the hardware store and rigged up a device to finally defy that nasty crankshaft bolt, but then I went back to bed for an unnecessary 6-hour depression/hopelessness nap. As I awoke, feeling even worse about myself than before, a member of our church was arriving with another hot meal for my queen and I along with a little gift from an anonymous source!

Now I can't disclose the nature of the gift, but I also can't tell you how much it will help and how it is helped already! The worst part about depression, especially the hopelessness aspect, is the nightmare of feeling like you're all alone in the world with no prospect of effecting your future. To our friends and family members, and I mean family members very liberally, I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for your warm thoughts, hard efforts, delicious meals (I definitely want some recipes), and most importantly your love and compassion!

Now it wouldn't be the aspiring therapist in me if I didn't remind those struggling with depression and hopelessness, as I need to remind myself, that you can't always wait for goodness to find you to get yourself out of your funk; sometimes you've got to get yourself out. Be mindful, though, of how you feel when someone extends their hand to you, so that when the opportunity presents itself that you might be able to extend your hand to somebody is in the same position that you currently or previously reside. You just don't know how a little generosity, or in our case a lot of generosity, can make somebody's day. In my case it saved somebody's life!

My thanks and best wishes,
Andy

The Birth of Jesus-ism

"The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle... That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable" Rev. Brennan Manning

As you may or may not know I work the third shift so the other day I came home at 5:15 in the morning and found that their was nothing to watch on television. So I was mindlessly clicking through the channels when I came across one of the Christian networks. I found myself intrigued by this gentleman who was so passionately preaching the word of God. He was running around on stage with a Bible in hand, sweating profusely, gesticulating wildly, and literally screaming into his wireless headset about how the path of Jesus is the path to our salvation and I found myself thinking, "wow, that is a really nice suit." I'll admit that I could hardly concentrate on his words, but I so intrigued by his surroundings.

First of all, though they called it a church it was really an amphitheater which probably held a couple thousand attendees. Next, the digital production technology was advanced enough to be used on Broadway or to put on a major market rock concert. Finally, the minister was wearing a thousand dollar suit while preaching in front of a 50-foot high neon cross with these beautiful angels adorning each side. I just kept asking myself how this multi-million dollar operation expected anyone to understand the teachings of a homeless traveler that spent his life preaching about such virtues as love, compassion, empathy, and most important: charity.

I see these large churches all over town. Churches that are so large that they have off-duty police officers on rental to control the traffic flow in and out on Sunday mornings. These places aren't churches, but more like religious complexes with more than enough room to utilize as the congregation sees fit. Some of these complexes even have a gymnasium, separate from the sanctuary, which leads me to ask what God needs with a gymnasium in his house. I don't think Jesus is planning on going on "MTV Cribs" anytime soon. It drives me bananas that these religious organizations, in the name of Jesus, pool their money and resources to build these complexes, which are truly monuments to their own collective wealth and accomplishments, when all of that money could be better used for the homeless, the hungry, the sick, and the weak. If you remember from the Bible, Jesus turned over the tables of the money changers and ran them out of the temple, so what do you expect he would think of these multi-million dollar complexes built to celebrate his teachings when there are people living in the trailer park down the street trying to financially triage what they can keep and what they must sacrifice to make it until their next paycheck; if their is a next one.

In my community meals-on-wheels doesn't operate on Christmas Day. So for over a decade members from my church, the Unitarian Universalist Church of Hendricks Country, wake up before 5am on Christmas Day and prepare a hot meal to be either delivered or enjoyed in-house for those elderly and less-fortunate that are either financially or physically unable to prepare a meal on this very, very special holiday. Because of these economic times, what started as generally a hot meal for the elderly has begun to include more families with children in need, so we also include a bag full of clothing and toys along with these, shall I say, quite delicious hot meals. Last year, in anticipation of serving over 400 meals, our minister approached the other local ministers at their monthly meeting and asked for any assistance possible from the other churches only to be received with silence and one question, "yes, but where do your congregation stand on salvation?" I just find it so interesting that on the celebration of Jesus' birth, a man who championed compassion, love, and charity above all else, the only people practicing what Jesus preached are the atheists, agnostics, Wickens, and religiously confused.

I have become slightly annoyed recently at the number of scriptures that are popping up on Facebook and the calls to find Jesus because the earthquakes, tsunamis, and collapsing economies and governments are indicators of the end of days. Now I would gladly and passionately defend everbody's right to say whatever they wish and practice whatever religion they desire, I do want to offer the parable of the loud prayer and the soft. Jesus tells of two people that enter the temple. The one walks into the center of the sanctuary and cries out his love for the Lord so that everyone can here him. The second person hides in the shadows and prays at a whisper so that nobody can hear this conversation with God. Jesus finishes the story by explaining that only the soft prayer would be heard by the Lord:

“And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you." Matthew 6: 5-6

Personally, I don't care what people post on Facebook because if I get tired of it I can always block them or take them out of my feed, but what I do find disturbing is that these folks that love to quote scripture never seem to mention how they spent the day ringing a bell for the Salvation Army or volunteering at a soup kitchen. You can tell your spouse that you love them every morning and evening and spend the rest of your day sleeping with other people and we would all conclude that you don't really love them, but why do Christians that praise Jesus only with their words get a pass in life?

That is why I am a Jesus-ist. Whether you believe he is the son of God, or even if God exists, there is a historical basis for the existence of Jesus and that, in my own words, he was pretty cool. I don't memorize scripture, I don't take communion, I don't care how or why the world was created, and I don't sit around with others talking about how great Jesus was. I do though champion the virtues of love, compassion, empathy, charity, and understanding and I know it is cliche, but talk truly is cheap but actions do speak forever. If you love Jesus then don't just memorize his words but try to apply them to your life. If you were to ask Jesus today, or for that matter Martin Luther King, Jr., Mother Theresa, or even Gandhi, they would all tell you that they could care less that you remembered their words, but did those words affect change? I should warn you though, being a Jesus-ist isn't strictly a Sunday morning sort of thing, but a full-time job. Jesus-ism includes things like asking a stranger with a troubled look if they need some help, or holding the door for others. Being a Jesus-ist also includes things like meeting frowns with smiles, always offering a helping hand, and above all obeying the Golden Rule!

Now please, please, please don't contact me with any sort of retort or conversion attempt because the way I see it if you have the time to change my heart or mind you have the time to research a good local charity where you can volunteer your time. Now I will take requests for how we can meet up so you can drop off clothing for a tsunami victims clothing drive we are starting because that is "What Jesus Would Do."