Mrs. Gosselin, your children called and they need you at home…

Before drifting away to sleep last night I happened across Entertainment Tonight. ET was keeping up with their 24-7 Dancing with the Stars coverage as they featured their behind the scenes correspondent Kate Gosselin of TLC's Jon and Kate plus Eight fame. Watching Mrs. Gosselin made me start to think about which one of them, Jon or Kate, was more responsible for the downfall of TLC's little cash cow. Now I'll admit that I've never seen the show, but I don't think it takes a half hour of coverage to see the true piece of dysfunctional garbage that is Jon Gosselin. What I found so disturbing the other night is that with The Gosselin's entrance into the public spectrum serving as the catalyst that destroyed their family and potentially ruined the lives of her eight beloved children, she (Kate Gosselin) still can't tear herself away from that damn idiot box and focus her attention on the only eight young lives that truly depend on her. So maybe the only real difference between the two proud owners of the "plus eight" is that one just has a much better publicist than the other!

I've previously equated parents that push their young children into the spotlight as pimps with more talent to work with and better resources, but I hold those parents in sainthood over those parents that use their children as stepping stones, decorations, or mere pawns in order to fulfill their dreams of happiness. I'm thinking of men that are passive aggressive little cowards that like to have children because it requires the least amount of effort to have people to look up to them and respect them without question; all the while blowing more air into their overinflated egos. These are the type of people that will leave their children in a heartbeat for greener pastures, but will cling to visitation, control, and more importantly their title as if they were still sleeping every waking night five steps down the hall.

The problem here is that more and more people are living along these days, but the population growth isn't slowing down. That means this population increase is leading to the creation of more and more single parent households. The problem is that a person's word just doesn't mean anything, inasmuch as a commitment to starting a family, either through a conscious effort with family planning or through unprotected sex with unintended consequences, many times lasts just as long as the act of creation. So why are we as a society so inclined to bite off more than we can chew almost as if it were fashionable? Our economy is in such turmoil right now because millions upon millions of people took out $400,000 and $500,000 mortgages when they made less than $100,000 a year which would be the sexual equivalent of having a weekend of unprotected sex while popping fertility drugs like skittles! This makes me think of a friend in college who had the money to pay rent but decided to spend it on beer money and a new TV. When his landlord kicked him out, my friend was absolutely livid and claimed the landlord didn't even need the money because he saw him driving a BMW!

When my queen and I started dating, my best friend asked me if I was ready to be a daddy, since my queen had a daughter. I remember smirking and responding that these days a daddy pays child support and only sees their kids during visitations so then were the daddies out there ready to be like me? When the princess is in the house, I can't help but make her the constant center of attention and she isn't even my daughter! I just don't understand how so many people can think so little of the greatest gift and the greatest joy they will ever know. Dr. Laura Schlessinger used to be, not sure if she still is, a radio talk show host and her whole mantra was, "I am my kid's mom." Her whole belief, and she would council callers to such, is that no matter what happens a parent should always put their kids first; no matter how troubled a marriage you find a way to make it work at least until they're 18. Eventually she was written off as some right-wing religious zealot, because Schlessinger is clearly a Christian name, but I think her message is solid. Our children are our most precious resource and they should be treated as such. So today, if only for today, why don't you ask your kids what they would like to do today and see what you can't do to make that happen. Maybe you could watch or even be on TV just 10 minutes less and use that time to play dolls, shoot hoops, or read a book together. If you're still confused then just stop what you're doing and follow your kids around for a while and you evolutionary instincts should kick in eventually. And finally, Kate Gosselin, leave the TV cameras in Hollywood and go home to your kids!

White Collar, California Prostitution

"Annie's 12 years old
In two more she'll be a whore
Nobody ever told her
It's the wrong way...

The only family that she's ever had
Is her seven horny brothers and a drunk-ass dad
He needed money so he put her on the street
Everything was goin' fine till the day she met me!"
"Wrong Way," by Sublime

This morning, I happened across the Bonnie Hunt Show which featured five-year-old singing sensation Kaitlyn Maher. Kaitlyn proudly stood in front of the audience, cameras, and bright lights in her cute little Christmas dress singing Avè Maria and having what I call eye sex with the American public. All the while her parents stood backstage counting their hard-earned money and feeling proud how well their little angel was batting her eyes just like they taught her! From what I understand, she was a contestant on "America's Got Talent" and her debut album is in stores now.

This young girl is five years old and her parents have her on national television selling albums. Something like that has to make the parents of 12-year-old prostitutes think, "Damn, that is some sick shit!" There is no better way to describe this sort of behavior than prostitution. I actually think the parents whose kids work the streets might be a little more respectable because they're at least honest enough to admit they are in fact awful parents. That might sound bizarre and maybe far-fetched, but I'm the type of guy that only gives money to the homeless people with the signs, "I'm not going to lie. It's for the beer." Now granted, forcing your daughter to have sex with strangers is a sin more awful than can ever be explained, but you have to remember that the betrayal is much more detrimental than the sex with the strangers. After that betrayal by somebody that is supposed to love and take care of you, those young girls are dead inside before they even set foot on the street or step in front of that camera.

As the Michael Jackson fiasco finally slows down, before a family member tries to sell the body, have we not learned anything? Then when you consider the list of child celebrities like Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Danny Bonaduce, Dustin Diamond, Jean Bennett Ramsey, and most notably Robert Blake and Tiger Woods, it seems less like the “A-list” and more like a daily court room docket! I would also like the note the "Dishonorable Mentions" listed on Listserv.com.

Corey Haim (Valium addiction), Corey Feldman (arrested for cocaine and heroin possession), Drew Barrymore (entered alcohol and drug rehab at age 13), Jodie Sweetin (former “Full House” star; crystal meth addiction), Adam Rich (former “Eight Is Enough” star; arrested for stealing prescription drugs from a pharmacy), Eddie Furlong (cocaine addiction; arrested drunkenly trying to free lobsters from a tank), Gary Coleman (pleaded no contest to hitting an autograph seeker) and Macauley Culkin (arrested for possession of marijuana and prescription pills)

Meth, heroin, cocaine, Valium, highly publicized infidelity (not to mention screwing away hundreds of millions of dollars on skanks and porn stars), untimely death from "unclear circumstances," and felony/misdemeanor convictions for such crimes as drug possession, assault, and murder! No parent admittedly wants this future for their children, but with all of these terrible examples parents still doll up their children, teach them how to smile real big, put a microphone in their hands, and place them in front of the camera while they blow their pride and joy’s future rehab money on whatever material things they can get their hands on. It should be noted that the money is always gone before their beloved meal ticket cracks under the pressure and slips out of the altered-ego of an 8-year-old adult and back into the mind of a child. Except that these children, who are forced to grow up at age 5 get to experience adult consequences for childhood mistakes. If you have a second, I suggest following this link: http://listverse.com/2009/04/19/top-10-child-stars-gone-bad/ and get a few more details about how America's favorite children ended up.

Though little Kaitlyn Maher was quite adorable, her singing really wasn’t too remarkable. It was just a sad example of trash getting the 15 minutes they feel they’re entitled at the cost of their five-year-old daughter. I’m hopeful that the American public has grown tired enough of parents who use Hollywood to pimp out their children and little Kaitlyn’s album flops. At that point Kaitlyn’s parent might realize what fools they are and can take their daughter back home to resume her childhood. Every adult knows only so well that as soon as you start taking on adult responsibilities, you begin to long for those days as an innocent child. Why would anybody want to force their child out of that little slice of heaven?

"Anyone who hurts a child would be better off if he had a rock tied around his neck and cast into the sea" ...Jesus Christ