So Is God Listed Under the "G"s?

Do Christians really need their own phonebook?

Are there listings for synagogues in the Christian phonebook?

What would Jesus think about the Christian phonebook?

Is Jesus' listed under "J" for Jesus or "C" for Christ?

Colts win!

I'm so excited about the Colts Monday night win that I can't sleep! The Colts offense had the ball for only 14 minutes and they still managed to "Squish the Fish" before the final whistle blew!

I'm sure tomorrow morning, everybody who knows anything is going to say that their defense was awful, but I want to get ahead of this and adamantly disagree. The object of any defense is to keep the offense from scoring, which they did quite well. Of all of the rushing yards they gave up, they only allowed 2 touchdowns and the Colts offense started the game 7 points ahead after the 12 second Peyton Manning, patent-pending, one play drive to. After the first 12 seconds, it was the Colts' game to lose and they held their ground.

A few Colts fans that I've talked to this evening were complaining about how much they hate this "bend, but don't break" defense. Really? Ask Bill Belichick up in New England how that style of defense worked for him. The reality is that if you enjoy seeing Peyton Manning, with fantastic protection, throw Leonardo caliber passes to future hall of famers, then you need to appreciate the defense for what it is because these guys don't play for free. It is a general theory in football that "defense wins championships." With hall of famers like Peyton Manning or Tom Brady, it is more like "defense can keep you from winning championships."

We've got what we've got and I think it's pretty good. The defense that can't stop the run now has wins against Maurice Jones-Drew AND the two headed, wildcat machine. Not too bad of a start for the 2009-2010 Indianapolis Colts. I know I'm going to tune in next week!

"A win, is a win, is a win!"

A Step Back?

On the evening of July 16th, 1999, a luxury aircraft piloted by John F. Kennedy, Jr. crashed into the Atlantic Ocean shortly after take-off. Tragically, the accident killed John, Jr., his wife Carolyn Bessette, and sister-in-law Lauren Bessette. According to the National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB), Kennedy, Jr. was at fault because he hadn't logged all of the hours required to receive his pilot's license. In this incident, the pilot lacked the training needed for flying at night, but nonetheless ventured out on the night of the 16th. According to the NTSB, Kennedy crashed due to a phenomenon known as spacial disorientation. When flying at night over open water, pilots can become disoriented. Their instincts tell them that they are flying upside down and steer to correct even though their instruments indicate they are flying level and right side up. They believe that their instruments have failed, when in fact their eyes have failed, and they fly the plane straight into the water below.

When this tragedy occurred, I found the whole thing to be very peculiar. How could one's senses deceive them so much and in that event, why wouldn't you trust your instruments? Instruments were developed because we as humans are flawed. Instruments are the means of impartially telling us how we're doing, where we are, or where we are going. As I've endeavored on this life improvement journey, the scale in my bathroom is my best barometer of my performance in my life and a fantastic indicator of my future.

I purchased an iPhone six or seven months ago and I'm satisfied beyond words. The first app I put on my phone was the calorie tracker from livestrong.com. The app and website are both incredible! With livestrong in my pocket, I put the pencil and paper away and started tracking my calorie consumption digitally. I wanted to slow my weight loss so my skin didn't look like a ball of pizza dough, so I set my calorie level so that I would lose about a pound and a half a week. The most incredible thing was that I could use the app to track my activity as well. So, as I would burn calories through exercise, my phone was telling me I could eat more to stay at losing a pound and a half a week.

Before I knew it, I was using this new tool to get back to my old tricks. I'm embarrassed to say it was all about the food again. I gained back about 22 pounds in the last 8 months and it's clear that my behavior has changed. "If I ride the bike for an hour, then we can go to Olive Garden for supper... I'm absolutely exhausted and I'm going to hurt myself if I keep pushing, but ten more minutes and we can go for ice cream after supper," but why? Why do I feel the need to abuse myself?

The whole time that I was so sick I was functioning at 25 percent speed and I had fallen behind in so many aspects of my life. Now I'm struggling to catch back up. On top of this struggle, we've been working on remodeling the house, which isn't a small task. If that wasn't enough to impair my progress, for some reason I feel such a sense of obligation towards putting a smile on my little princess' face. She's been going through a really rough time these past few months and I just have this overwhelming urge to buy her a pony every time I see her beautiful eyes glaze over with concern and sorrow. Their pain is my pain. Their worries and fears are my worries and fears. All this and I can't even think of when I took a day for myself.

See, for some reason, I prefer to get caught up in other people's problems instead of dealing with my own. Instead of focusing on myself, I've been going bananas with worry about finishing the house because my queen is worrying about the house. It is easier to concentrate of making my princess smile than making myself smile. I've been so caught up in the feeling of responsibility for everyone around me that I had convinced myself that eating 4,300 calories a day was a good idea!

The good news in all of this is that even though I've gained 20 pounds, I've increased only one pant size because I was working out so much that those extra calories went to muscle, and believe me it went to muscle. My arms, legs, and abs are in incredible shape, but my flexibility has gone south. I stopped going to yoga because it was too slow and relaxing and "I just didn't have time for that shit!"

So, with shame in my heart, it's back to the KISS method (Keep It Simple Stupid)! It's back to a fixed number calories and the end of this flexible spending nonsense. I need to make it less about the food and more about myself! It's back to a variety of exercises with no consideration for Olive Garden, Dairy Queen, or any other place I have no business frequenting. It also seems that I'm not as emotionally advanced as I thought, so I think it's a good idea to get back into therapy. Finally, I need to have a little faith in myself and my loved ones that the world won't fall apart if I let them down off my shoulders, because holding them up there just isn't fair to anybody.

I thought that spacial disorientation was such a ridiculous concept, but it turns out that your instruments are only as good as what you want them to indicate. I was slowly working my way back to the ocean and I was actually proud, if not arrogant, of what I was doing. When I was in North Carolina, I would become flabbergasted after talking to some fellow "life improvers" because they had lost 60, then gained 40, then lost 120, but then gained 150, but this was the time they were going to be successful... How is this possible? It turns out that this sort of oscillation is just a part of the human condition that we all must endure, myself included. "It's not how many times you fall down, but how many times you get back up." This is what happens when you focus on the goal line instead of the next defender or when you start running to first base before you even hit the ball. Recovering addicts will say that "today is the first day of the rest of my life." Well, I happily embrace today so that tomorrow might be a brighter day.

I don't know what to say really. Three minutes till the biggest battle of
our professional lives. It all comes down to today. Now either we heal as a
team, or we're gonna crumble. Inch by inch, play by play, till we're finished.
We're in hell right now, gentlemen. Believe me. And we can stay here, get the
shit kicked out of us, or we can fight our way back into the light. We can climb
out of hell. One inch at a time.

Now I can't do it for you. I'm too old. I look around, I see these young
faces, and I think... I mean I've made every wrong choice a middle-aged man can
make. I pissed away all my money, believe it or not. I chased off anyone who's
ever loved me, and lately, I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror. You
know when you get old in life, things get taken from you. That's part of life.
But you only learn that when you start losing stuff. You find out life's this
game of inches. And so is football. Because in either game, life or football,
the margin for error is so small. I mean... one half a step too late or too
early and you don't quite make it. One half second too slow too fast, you don't
quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They are in every
break of the game, every minute, every second. On this team, we fight for that
inch. On this team, we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for
that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when we
add up all those inches, that's gonna make the fucking difference between
winning and losing! Between living and dying! I'll tell you this - in any fight,
its the guy whose willing to die who's gonna win that inch. And I know if I'm
going to have any life anymore, it's because I'm still willing to fight and die
for that inch. Because that's what living is! The 6 inches in front of your
face...

A Line that Caught my Eye

"You can't break up with a chic with cancer, Larry!" --- Jeff, Curb Your Enthusiasm, 9/20/2009

The Battlefield of the 21st Century

After extensive research, I have figured out Al Qaeda's most recent method of terror. I have reason to believe they are trying to strike fear in our hearts by writing anti-American and anti-Israeli sentiments on the stalls of men's bathrooms in universities across the country!

What disappoints me about these attacks against our emotional well being, sense of nationalism, and feelings of safety is the individuals so revolted by these remarks that they can't help but defend this country's good name by responding, in kind, on a BATHROOM STALL! It makes me think of Jeff Foxworthy's classic routine, You Might be a Redneck:

If you feel compelled to climb to the top of a water tower with a can of
paint to defend your sister's honor, you might be a redneck!

I understand that the war on terror must be fought on many different fronts, but for god's sake, please leave our public bathrooms out of it! If you are one of those uber-patriotic people that can't help but respond, you might want to think about leaving all of your writing instruments, as well as all sharp objects, on the sink before you enter the stall. I know it might be difficult at first, but I know we can be better than this ...

Wow.... This shoe tastes like real leather!

I'll be the first to admit that I'm somewhat notorious for putting my foot in my mouth. I will give some of my classics a little later, but I really stepped in it yesterday.

So, I get to my classroom, put my bag under the desk, and then head to get a quick cup of coffee before I die (literally)! So, as I'm walking down the hall, two young men are walking towards me and I can't help but stare. One gentlemen was about 6 foot 3, while the other young man stood at say 5'-1". What I found so amazing, besides their incredible difference in height, is that they were both wearing the exact same suit! Black pants and coat, white shirt, black shoes, and this red and gold tie with stripes that ran from northwest to southeast.

They catch me staring so as not to be one of those rude people that stare and gawk, I blurted out he first thing that came to mind. I really wish I hadn't. "What? Are you two brothers or something? Because those are some great Jehovah's Witness uniforms you've got there." As soon as we passed, I dropped my shoulders and lowered my eyes to the ground and felt absolutely terrible about what I said.

After I worked my foot out of my mouth, I definitely needed coffee to wake me up and now to wash the taste of leather out of my mouth. I walked about 100 feet to the coffee counter, ordered my drink, and stood there waiting until I hear, "So, you're familiar with our teachings and our good works?" I turned around and the two gentlemen that I just finished laughing at were standing there with their pamphlets and books in hand and started trying to sell me on their teachings and beliefs.

I absolutely panicked, but luckily my drink was finished. The coffee lady handed me my drink, I took a big gulp, and then interrupted them mid-sentence. "Look fellas. There is absolutely nothing you could say to get me to trade in my truck for a bike and helmet and take up your cause, but...."

"Oh, you should never make a decision before you have all of the information and I know if we can talk to you for just....."

"But," I started again, "I feel really bad about making fun of you two (even though I was right) so I'm heading to class which is down this hall, up two flights of stairs, and down another hall. If you guys want to follow me to the doorway of my class then you can feel free to tell me whatever you want about your organization and your good works."

I figured it was the most polite way to tell them to leave me alone, and with that I walked in between the two gentlemen and started heading on my way. I get no more than two steps closer to my class and I start to hear these same two gentlemen speaking over my shoulder. I couldn't believe they were going to follow me, but I did give them that option so I just headed for class. I had to look like such an ass walking through the crowded halls drinking my caffeinated beverage (which is a no-no for Jehovah's Witnesses) as two well dressed young men walked and talked over my shoulder!

I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut, or at least count to five before I speak extemporaneously!

"A Tale of Two...." Quarterbacks???

If you, or somebody close to you, follow sports, then you know that there are two NFL quarterbacks in the news right now. Together, these two men account for 13 trips to the Pro Bowl, 5 NFC player of the year honors, a Big East rookie of the year, a Big East offensive player of the year, one ESPY for being the best college football player, one ESPY for being the best NFL player, two Madden covers, an Associated Press Most Valuable Player award, and one Super Bowl title. What’s so interesting is that both of these men were drafted by the Atlanta Falcons, but one was the first overall pick in the draft while the other quarterback was drafted 33rd.

Though these two quarterbacks are currently sharing the spotlight, their stories couldn’t be more different. One was a collegiate superstar while the other wasn’t even known outside the state of Mississippi. One had the athleticism to run for a 20+ yard gain on any given snap while the other had to be one of the toughest players in the history of football to attain significantly less rushing yards. One man was the most prolific passer in the game, while the other has the third most rushing yards for a quarterback in the NFL. One player is black while the other is white. One of these men can’t stand the idea of leaving the game, while the other has no choice, but to play because he owes too many people too much money. One will be a first ballot hall of famer while the other is currently on parole from federal prison.

I’m willing to bet that you could walk into any sports bar or turn to any sports radio station and you’ll either hear heated conversation about Michael Vick or Brett Favre. You’ll have discussions about whether Vick deserves another chance and will he ever be as good as he was before prison or you’ll hear about whether Brett Favre should play for the Vikings or hang it up for good. Hiding in the shadows of the bar, you’ll notice a few guys arguing vehemently, but practically inaudibly. You’ll notice that they’re looking over their shoulders a little more than usual and they’re very careful not to let anybody else know what they’re discussing. As you get a little closer to their table, without being detected, you’ll start to hear a conversation with players like Vick AND Favre, Manning, Brady, and Vince Young.

Those folks are so careful as not to be overheard because they’ve moved past the “X’s and O’s.” They aren’t talking about slant routes, post routes, dives, or counters. They are trying to delicately discuss the best “color” for a quarterback in the NFL. That’s right, they’re talking about race. Is there a difference between black quarterbacks and white quarterbacks? Why aren’t there many black quarterbacks in the hall of fame and why has only one African American quarterback won a Super Bowl? They’ll use IQ scores to insist that white quarterbacks are smarter and have better field presence. Many times, sports fans attempt to talk as if they aren’t talking about race by saying that pocket passers are more successful than quarterbacks that like to scramble out of the pocket.

I can understand why many can look at the success of white quarterbacks in the NFL and generalize, but they would be wrong. My problem is that I have no way to prove it. In following his career and watching him play when I can, I strongly believe that Michael Vick is the best quarterback to play the position, but his numbers will never bear that out. His completion percentage is no good, his touchdown to interception ratio is dreadful, no NFC titles to his credit, no Super Bowl titles, he’s now a convicted felon; but he is the most exciting player on the football field. He’s faster and stronger than 99 percent of the quarterbacks in the NFL, but felony or not, I would never put him on my roster if I were the general manager of a football team.

I feel that there is a better explanation than race. I believe it’s because no teenager really knows how to be a hero, let alone a professional hero. See, in high school and college football, skill isn’t as important as natural ability. If you’re a high school or college star, you’re one of the fastest, strongest players on the field. When a friend in high school was being scouted by colleges they just wanted to know two things: how fast he could run and what he looked like with his shirt off. They didn’t care about his tackles, sacks, or what he did on game film, but could he fill a roll.

See, the best team in college football is inferior, talent wise, to the worst team in the NFL. NFL receivers are better, their blockers are stronger, and their defenders are faster. I would venture to say that Brett Favre couldn’t quarterback any NCAA top 25 team to a national title. He wouldn’t have anybody to block long enough for him to get set and there are no receivers capable enough to catch the bullets that he throws. So, colleges recruit the fastest kids they can find for the quarterback position and if they can outrun the linebackers, then they’re going to a bowl game. Why does this happen? Because Division I coaches and athletic directors have absolutely no interest in developing talented quarterbacks. So, they recruit talent like Michael Vick and Vince Young, market the hell out of them, and them set them free in front of millions of TV viewers around the world and expect them to perform.

All the while, the next Brett Favre is getting the hell beaten out of him at Southern Mississippi, in front of a few thousand fans, as he learns how to fight to .500 with inferior talent, hard work, devotion, and concussion after concussion. Because of his ability, Michael Vick has been allowed, if not encouraged, to coast since he was probably 17 years old, while Brett Favre had to work inhuman hours under incredible circumstances for his shot at glory.

Being a superstar, a hero, is the most difficult thing a human being can possibly endure. Dennis Rodman never figured it out during the span of his entire NBA career and Charles Barkley still hasn’t! What made Larry Bird a legend, instead of just a pro, was his time with the Indiana State Sycamores. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. The greatest stories and performers in athletics, as well as life, experience “No!” much more than they experience “Yes!”

Among the past 20 Heisman Trophy winners, only two of them have Super Bowl rings. That’s one in ten of the college game’s all-time greats that went on to become elite professionals. With this knowledge in mind, if I were Gator quarterback and most recent Heisman winner Tim Tebow, I’d get the best agent I could and most importantly the best financial advisor I could find and get as much money out of the gate as I possibly could. I’d live in an efficiency apartment and drive a Volvo, fulfill my duties under my contract, and then retire on easy street when that first big contract is up, because they next contract will be miniscule in comparison. Dwayne Wade will always win more than Lebron James because Dwayne spent time at Marquette, with Coach Tom Crean, learning what it takes to win, while Lebron was on ESPN 2 in high school and went straight to the pro’s. Kevin Garnett would never have won an NBA title without Ray Allen and Paul Pierce and Kobe Bryant wouldn’t have learned how to win without Shaquille O’Neal.

In an episode of the West Wing, a candidate is running for President and he hired this consultant to teach him the “Presidential voice.” So, the candidate practices and practices with this consultant for hours before his chief advisor, who was the former deputy chief of staff to the current President, came in and scolded the candidate because the only way to have the “Presidential voice” is to actually be President!

You can practice your skills as much as you want, but you’re never going to be on a championship team until you, as an individual, learn how to win on a team. The New York Yankees have been buying the best talent in major league baseball, but haven’t won a World Series in years. It’s the teams that have the most players who know how to win that will beat the more talented teams 9 times out of 10. That’s why players like Mike Vick, Lebron James, and Tim Tebow are going to be sulking at home when it time to celebrate another championship in their respective sports. It’s too bad for the amount of money spent on them, but winning is a skill that greatly surpasses talent.

The Bad News Bengals

It just came across the wire that rookie tackle Andre Smith fractured his left foot during a non-contact drill today. What makes this story more interesting is that he held out of training camp to negotiate for more money and he signed his contract just two days ago. One might find it fortunate that 21 million dollars in his freshly inked contract is guaranteed, but the sceptical side of me wonders what has occurred behind the scenes....

My theory is that he partially broke his foot during off-season training and he and his agent kept it a secret. You see, signing a contract in the NFL is always contingent on passing a physical. My guess is that he and his agent held out on signing a contract until his foot healed enough to pass a physical. He completely broke his foot when he was expected to put his 300 plus pound body through the physical stress of conditioning drills in the NFL.

If I were Mr. Smith, I'd move as much of that signing bonus I could to a bank outside the United States because you can be sure the Bengals are going to investigate this, and when they get their proof, they're going to take that money back! Just ask Michael Vick.