"Family Guy" under attack

“Families who watch television together on Sunday night shouldn't be bombarded by content like this that would be more appropriate for the Playboy Channel.” Tim Winter, Parent's Television Council

The PTC (Parent's Television Council) has filled a very public complaint about the most recent aired "Family Guy" episode. In the episode, Mr. Pewderschmidt, Peter's father-in-law, admits that he never had a bachelor party, so Peter and his friend take him out to a strip club. While at the strip club, the guys buy Mr. Pewderschmidt a lap dance and then they have to explain to him what it is. I saw the episode and I admit it was a little racy, probably as racy as clothed cartoon characters could be, but now the PTC is up in arms about it. According to Tim Winter of the PTC, “Apparently Fox must believe that because the program is animated it can air anything it wants on Family Guy no matter how inappropriate or indecent."

I think it's fantastic that we, the television viewing public, have watchdog groups and lobbyist organizations to protect us from non-Christian influences on TV, but I'm wondering who is responsible for protecting our children from parents that don't care enough about their children to monitor what they watch on television! For that matter, who is in charge of protecting adults from indecency on television or even from our SPAM message and junk email boxes. Also, I think Mr. Winter of the PTC should pick up the phone and call his fun-hating friends at the tobacco, fast food, and alcohol lobbies because once you insist on a warning label on the product, there isn't much else the manufacturer can be compelled to do.

WARNING: No lifeguards present. SWIM AT YOUR OWN RISK!

It seems to me that by publicly opposing Seth MacFarlane's "Family Guy," the PTC, and similar organizations, are actually offering the show free publicity and now there is a greater risk of young children learning the specifics of topless bars, lap dances, and the rest of the indecent material that the responsible parents are trying to keep from their kids.

Say for example that the good parent turns off the television when "Family Guy" comes on or makes their children watch something else. A few days later, the child hears on the news that "Family Guy" is in trouble for their most recent episode. So the child gets on the Internet in class and finds the article and reads words like strip club and lap dance. Then, with a little help from Wikipedia, the youngster is now fully educated on the material that his or her parents where trying to protect them from. This same child might now be aware that Playboy has a television network and will now accept invitations for sleepovers with kids they might not like but know their parents don't care what they watch. Personally, that sums up my sexual education.

I was watching the infamous Super Bowl Halftime Show with the "wardrobe malfunction" and I absolutely missed the controversy. It was just too quick for me, as well as most other viewers, to make out exactly what happened before the camera switched to something else. It was until the watchdog groups started publicly complaining that I learned what had happened. At that point, I got to a computer as fast as I could to see Janet Jackson's notorious breast before websites started taking it down. Parents, I guarantee you that your children did the same!

What the American public has to understand is that most lobbyist organizations and watchdog groups could care less about their mission statements and the people they claim to protect. Their jobs are to keep the controversial issue in the news as much as possible so that more people will donate money and their organization can grow. Instead of spending all this time and money trying to get Seth MacFarlane and RJ Reynolds to advertise against themselves, why not spend it on developing better alternatives?

That money could be better spent paying the bigger actors and actresses to do more family friendly programming. If they really cared about children and families, they would be spending less time worrying about indecent programming on television and more time trying to get increasingly obese families up from in front of the television and outside where they could be active for a change. It just seems that creating a safe television environment for families is like mandating environmentally safe areas for parents and children to smokes cigarettes together!

White Collar, California Prostitution

"Annie's 12 years old
In two more she'll be a whore
Nobody ever told her
It's the wrong way...

The only family that she's ever had
Is her seven horny brothers and a drunk-ass dad
He needed money so he put her on the street
Everything was goin' fine till the day she met me!"
"Wrong Way," by Sublime

This morning, I happened across the Bonnie Hunt Show which featured five-year-old singing sensation Kaitlyn Maher. Kaitlyn proudly stood in front of the audience, cameras, and bright lights in her cute little Christmas dress singing Avè Maria and having what I call eye sex with the American public. All the while her parents stood backstage counting their hard-earned money and feeling proud how well their little angel was batting her eyes just like they taught her! From what I understand, she was a contestant on "America's Got Talent" and her debut album is in stores now.

This young girl is five years old and her parents have her on national television selling albums. Something like that has to make the parents of 12-year-old prostitutes think, "Damn, that is some sick shit!" There is no better way to describe this sort of behavior than prostitution. I actually think the parents whose kids work the streets might be a little more respectable because they're at least honest enough to admit they are in fact awful parents. That might sound bizarre and maybe far-fetched, but I'm the type of guy that only gives money to the homeless people with the signs, "I'm not going to lie. It's for the beer." Now granted, forcing your daughter to have sex with strangers is a sin more awful than can ever be explained, but you have to remember that the betrayal is much more detrimental than the sex with the strangers. After that betrayal by somebody that is supposed to love and take care of you, those young girls are dead inside before they even set foot on the street or step in front of that camera.

As the Michael Jackson fiasco finally slows down, before a family member tries to sell the body, have we not learned anything? Then when you consider the list of child celebrities like Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Danny Bonaduce, Dustin Diamond, Jean Bennett Ramsey, and most notably Robert Blake and Tiger Woods, it seems less like the “A-list” and more like a daily court room docket! I would also like the note the "Dishonorable Mentions" listed on Listserv.com.

Corey Haim (Valium addiction), Corey Feldman (arrested for cocaine and heroin possession), Drew Barrymore (entered alcohol and drug rehab at age 13), Jodie Sweetin (former “Full House” star; crystal meth addiction), Adam Rich (former “Eight Is Enough” star; arrested for stealing prescription drugs from a pharmacy), Eddie Furlong (cocaine addiction; arrested drunkenly trying to free lobsters from a tank), Gary Coleman (pleaded no contest to hitting an autograph seeker) and Macauley Culkin (arrested for possession of marijuana and prescription pills)

Meth, heroin, cocaine, Valium, highly publicized infidelity (not to mention screwing away hundreds of millions of dollars on skanks and porn stars), untimely death from "unclear circumstances," and felony/misdemeanor convictions for such crimes as drug possession, assault, and murder! No parent admittedly wants this future for their children, but with all of these terrible examples parents still doll up their children, teach them how to smile real big, put a microphone in their hands, and place them in front of the camera while they blow their pride and joy’s future rehab money on whatever material things they can get their hands on. It should be noted that the money is always gone before their beloved meal ticket cracks under the pressure and slips out of the altered-ego of an 8-year-old adult and back into the mind of a child. Except that these children, who are forced to grow up at age 5 get to experience adult consequences for childhood mistakes. If you have a second, I suggest following this link: http://listverse.com/2009/04/19/top-10-child-stars-gone-bad/ and get a few more details about how America's favorite children ended up.

Though little Kaitlyn Maher was quite adorable, her singing really wasn’t too remarkable. It was just a sad example of trash getting the 15 minutes they feel they’re entitled at the cost of their five-year-old daughter. I’m hopeful that the American public has grown tired enough of parents who use Hollywood to pimp out their children and little Kaitlyn’s album flops. At that point Kaitlyn’s parent might realize what fools they are and can take their daughter back home to resume her childhood. Every adult knows only so well that as soon as you start taking on adult responsibilities, you begin to long for those days as an innocent child. Why would anybody want to force their child out of that little slice of heaven?

"Anyone who hurts a child would be better off if he had a rock tied around his neck and cast into the sea" ...Jesus Christ

YouTube of the Day

This is classic!

Help me, "Ben Johnson." You're my only hope...

Today I received a voice mail that changed my life. A very foreign sounding Ben Johnson, from California, called me to warn me about upcoming troubles! It turns out that I took out a payday loan from Money Services International of California and I opted against paying those fine folks back the money I borrowed and a substantial amount of interest. I inquired as to what city in California, but his California/surfs up accent was so strong that I couldn't make out what he was saying. There must be a location in California where the residents all have accents as if they were from India...

My new friend Ben was calling me as a representative of "federal government" to offer me a chance to pay back this defaulted loan immediately before the computer system downloads my file on Monday morning and a law suit will be filed against me in "federal court of California." The problem is that I don't remember taking out such a payday loan so I told Mr. Johnson, that I was going to need the phone number of this Money Services International. Ben was very helpful and gladly gave me the phone number and my reference number, but asked if I could call him back to make the payment because he would get a commission. "We all know how tough it is with this economy," he said.

So, I called the phone number and spoke to a Mr. Sean Taylor. He too had the same Calcutta, California accent. I wondered if he knew my friend Ben! Here is where it gets confusing. I told Sean that I needed the specifics of the loan that I forgot acquiring. He told me that I needed to call such and such phone number to talk to Money Services International. They were the ones that had all the information.

"But wait," I started, "this is supposed to be the number for Money Services International. Come to think of it, the number you gave me is the number for my good friend Ben Johnson. Hey, so you do know Ben!"

"You don't want to be deadbeat right? I'd pay the money now before they file suit against you in federal court of California when the files get updated on Monday morning."

"Now are we talking about Monday morning in Calcutta or at federal court of California?"

"What? Calcutta? I'm in California."

"Really? Because there is a delay in this conversation, almost as if you're overseas. I thought you and Ben worked for federal government... You know what? I don't want to be deadbeat, so I'm going to pay the money to make this go away. I just need a name and an address and I will put a cashier's check in the mail tomorrow morning... Hello?... Hello?"

Since I lost communication, I called him back only to hear, "son of bitch, mother fucker! Don't call back!"

"But how can I pay you then?"

As I finished the call, a young women sitting next to me seemed incredibly curious, so I explained what was happening. She looked very sympathetic as she said "that is so terrible that there isn't enough money over there that they have to resort to conning and stealing from Americans."

As a result of this incident, I've got four angry thoughts fighting for attention. First, how stupid is this dumb young woman? Second, they knew my social security number, so I'm going to have to apply for a new social, new license, new credit cards, and new bank account numbers. Third, criminals wouldn't be going to all this trouble if this scam didn't work enough to make a substantial profit. Finally, even though there are portions of India that are quite poor, that doesn't give anybody the right to steal! Especially with identity theft, the wealthy can afford identity theft protection so the victims of these crimes have the same financial circumstances as their perpetrators.

There was only one noble thief and that was Robin Hood. He actually stole from the rich and gave to the poor. That was also a fantasy! Do you know why car insurance is so high on Honda Civics? It turns out that Honda Civics are the most valuable car that is easy enough to steal, chop, and redistribute without to much overhead and education; not Lexus, BMW, or Mercedes but Honda Civics. The best targets for pickpockets are upper lower to lower middle class people because they carry more cash and fewer credit cards. Wall Street is a safer place to carry a wallet than Main Street. There is no stealing from the rich, it's the less-fortunate stealing from the slightly less, less-fortunate.

I think the reason that stealing is such a natural transition to violence is because when the thief inevitably becomes the victim, the massive dose of irony is so hard to swallow that they are overcome with anger and hostility. It's times like these that I can't help but think of life as some sort of vicious cycle and it absolutely kills me to feel that way. Sometimes it seems life is this collection of downward spirals with the key being that you jump from downward spiral to downward spiral as quickly as you can before you get sucked in for good. That's no way to live, but how do you rise above them?

But if I go to hell well then I hope I burn well. I'll spend my days with JFK, Marvin Gaye, Martha Ray, and Lawrence Welk and Kurt Cobain, Kojak, Mark Twain, and Jimi Hendrix, Poltergeist... and Webster, yeah, Emmanuel Lewis 'cause he's the Antichrist.

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire... Burn, mother *&#!?, burn!

Jimmy "Pop" Ali

Save the Date: 2011 Halloween Party!

Every single one of you are cordially invited to my 2011 Halloween party. Why 2011? Well, to the best of my mathematical abilities, I should hit my goal weight of 245 pounds (for a total weight loss of 265 pounds) around the 31st of October, 2011.

I weigh myself every day and I use Excel to keep my daily record. I use that data to know such things as the 7-day average of my weight and my daily average weight loss. The 7-day average is very helpful because it is more stable. My weight will oscillate 2 to 3 pounds in any given direction from day to day, but the average condenses those numbers into a more stable measure of my weight and weight loss!

My daily weight loss average, .18 pounds per day over the last 2 years, is a fairly useless number except that I can use it to project when I will hit my goal weight. When I first started losing weight, I was going to hit my goal weight in 13 months, but as my weight loss naturally slowed my projected date was obviously extended. Currently, S-Day or Sexy-Day has been hovering at Oct. 31, 2011 for a month and a half now.

So for the Halloween party, I'm going as a boxer. Trunks, gloves and no shirt, in public, for the first time since I was probably 10 years old! It feels so incredible to be developing this incredible body and I can't wait to share it with all of my supporters. I will hit this mark, as God is my witness, I will hit 245; naturally!

Once again, Halloween 2011, It will be the first time that I have my shirt off in public and people aren't begging me to put my "man boobs" away and my shirt back on! I can feel that day getting closer. I more excited than words can describe!

Quick thoughts...

I love crossing things off my list. Especially when the most work involved was making the mark...

Living the un-Apple lifestyle

In today's society of instantaneous, worldwide communication, companies can't afford poor customer service. Word of mouth advertising is crucial to any popular product's development and marketing agenda. The risk with this marketing strategy is that the consuming public can use their global communication tools to tell the world how dissatisfied they are with a company or product. I'm sad to say that I am now one of those people.

I bought my iPhone 3G about 6 or 7 months ago and I absolutely loved it! I thought it was so great that I bought the Applecare extended service plan so that I would never have to go back to my old phone. My iPhone was my life. I had the email program set up to keep me up-to-date on my personal and school email. I tracked my calories, stayed current with my fantasy football teams, and tracked pending transactions in my checking account. Hell, I could even set up a wire transfer from my phone! Oh, and did I mention that it plays music too? I was so satisfied with this product that I was trying to figure out how to upgrade to the 3G S and I had plans to replace my desk machine and laptop with Apples while I could get the college student discounted price. I bought the "iLife" hook, line, and sinker!

Last week, I pulled my iPhone out of my pocket only to discover a crack in the screen. I hadn't dropped it and there was nothing else in my pocket. The screen hadn't shattered, but these cracks started branching out. I would say that maybe 5 percent of the screen was cracked. I was pretty upset, but very thankful I purchased the Applecare warranty. I called AT&T and was pleased to find out that the phone had a 1 year warranty which wasn't up, so I didn't even need the extended package. The nice lady over the phone suggested that I take the phone to an Apple store so that I didn't have to be without a phone for a few days. They would look at my phone and replace it on the spot.

Yesterday was my appointment so I drove 22 miles from Avon to Keystone and waited an hour for service. As I was waiting my turn at the genius bar, I started to evaluate my surroundings. This store was just one big flashy marketing campaign. All the employees were these hip and trendy, well dressed twenty somethings. Billboard's Top 50 was blaring throughout the store and there were plasma screens everywhere playing Apple commercials that informed this anxious, excited public of all the cool things you can do with a Mac! That's when I realized that I was hosed.

I started thinking about all the commercials with Drew Barrymore's boyfriend and this meticulously crafted placement and decorating campaign when it hit me. Ferrari doesn't advertise because they don't have to. When companies have to go above and beyond to market their already popular products, it's because they constantly have to replace all the unsatisfied customers they are losing. Hyundai and Kia offer ten year warranties on their cars to beat down the public's perception of poor quality. That also means that they are confident enough with their product that they can afford that service. If this broken screen isn't covered, then this must be happening all the time.

It was as this thought rang through my head that the iTech took one look at my phone and said, "yep, it needs a new display. It's going to cost you 200 bucks."

"It's okay, I bought this Applecare package because I figured this would happen."

"Yeah, that doesn't cover accidental damage like dropping the phone."

"Oh, I didn't drop it. I pulled it out of my pocket and it was like this."

"Sorry, it isn't going to be covered."

"In the last hour, I've seen 6 people bring their broken phones in here because they dropped it. Every single one had the screen completely shattered. Like 90 percent of the screen. So then how did I "drop" mine and the display not shatter? We're talking less that 5 percent here."

"Sir, we don't make that distinction. So, would you like me to replace the display or give you a replacement phone?"

"You know, I've already paid $200 for this phone, not to mention for all the apps and whatnot, I'm not going to pay another dime. I think I'll just go back to my old phone."

Another iTech standing beside him interjected, "I'm sorry you're so unhappy."

I replied, "Actually, I'm not. From the looks of things, this iLife I was considering is going to be pretty expensive. So this experience is actually going to save me money because I will never buy an Apple product ever again." So, I got in the car, drove the 22 miles back to Avon, walked down to the basement, and pulled my Samsung Blackjack 2 out of storage. I charged it up and transferred the information. It actually took me less that an hour!

So now, the iDream is over. I'm going to have to be more careful with my checkbook since I can't see the pending transactions and my calorie tracking in now a little notepad, a pen, and my pocket calorie content handbook. I'm going to keep buying PC's at full price and carry three or four devices to manage my needs because I would much rather be seen as a mindless PC follower that knowingly buys defective/imperfect equipment than to be seen as a sucker or a trick. You only get one chance to make a lasting impression, and as far as I'm concerned, Apple blew it!