Beware of Dog

As I was relazing to sleep last night, I happened across Dog the Bounty Hunter on A&E. Oh wow, was it crazy! It's almost like Jerry Springer's most popular guests were given plastic badges and real guns and told to chase after Jerry's most infamous guests! It absolutely blew my mind that this freak actually has a family! His wife was probably more attractive when she was younger and his daughter is freaking smokin', and they carry guns and go after the bad guys with the Dog!

There was one episode where they traveled to Colorado to help a friend. The friend wanted to go on the raid with them, but the friend, mid 30's to early 40's, was a little green. So the Dog called the friend's mother and what surprised me about the mother is that she wasn't as upset that her son was going in harm's way, but that he didn't tell her about it. Sure enough, in the next scene mom and dad were there to help with the raid!

I think my best description would be:

It's like watching a family in their mobile home rolling off a cliff. You know it will end badly and you feel like you should do something, but you're paralyzed with your eyes afixed on this disaster with this feeling like you'll never see this level of insanity again in your lifetime...

On Behalf of our Colts, Dear President Obama...

Dear President Obama,

At this moment you are probably wrapping up your State of Union address, but there is one state that I feel is more important than the rest. Indiana! On behalf of this great state, I would like to ask you for a small favor. I mean this with all due respect but please, for all that is good and holy in this world, please stay away from Indiana for the next 10 days. Please don't call, write, or visit. Most importantly when you refer to our hometown Super Bowl bound football team, please refer to them as your beloved New Orleans Saints' opponents!

Please don't take this as a personal or political attack but as a simple request on behalf of my hometown NFL team that you don't have to mention. I don't know how to delicately say this, but lately you've been Bush-ing things and I can explain why.

You represented the United States, more specifically the city of Chicago, before the International Olympic Committee and that didn't turn out in our favor. You campaigned for Martha Coakley in Massachusetts and she lost "Teddy" Kennedy's seat to Scott Brown. You have also campaigned for Creigh Deeds and John Corzine in the Virginia and New Jersey governors races and they lost. You were even gracious enough to fly down to Georgia and stump for Councilwoman Mary Norwood in the Atlanta mayoral election, but once again came up short.

And finally for the coup de grace, it sure was nice of you to call the undefeated, number one ranked Kentucky Wildcats yesterday. The team helped raise a million dollars towards the relief effort in Haiti and I'm sure it meant so much for them to receive a phone call from the President of the United States. I know you mean well and I also know you're very, very busy so I should tell you that last night those very same Kentucky Wildcats lost to the South Carolina Gamecocks 68 to 62! The Wildcats are undefeated no more.

Sir, if you really appreciate the hoosiers that helped make you the first democratic presidential candidate in quite some time to win our great state, then please don't say anything about our local football team that has a pretty big game coming up next week. How about for the next 10 days, we just don't exist! Lets just say that if you're driving from Washington D.C. to Los Angeles, you'll drive through Ohio, get to the border, and what do you know you're in Illinois already! I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings and I promise this will only be a few days.

Oh, and one more thing. In May when we crown another Indianapolis 500 winner, please stay away from him, or her, as well because their job requires them to move at over 220 miles per hour! I just don't think that would be safe...

I hope there are no hard feelings,



Andy Ashby

Sinatra sings the Colts to Miami

Below is an exert of Frank Sinatra's New York, New York performed by Peyton Manning and the 2009-2010 Indianapolis Colts...

Start spreading the news,
The Colts are on their way
Peyton Manning trampled on their dreams
New York, New York.

My small town blues
Are melting away
We're taking a Lombardi out of this
Thanks to old New York.
Since the Colts beat the Jets,
They can beat any team,
Better luck next year,
New York, New York.

Go Colts! Go Colts!

Does One Plus One Equal Two Anymore?

"They've done studies you know... 60
percent of the time, it works every time!" Paul Rudd in Anchorman

Today President Obama commented on his 51 percent approval rating at a town hall meeting in Ohio. He said that 51 percent actually demonstrated what a good job he was doing. He went on to say that if half of the country is upset with him, then he is doing fantastic job at stirring up the political arena and changing Washington.

I have only one problem with the president's line of thinking. If poor approval ratings are the best indicator of a truly, good president then why didn't we want four more years of President Bush? The former president's approval rating was much, much lower than 51 percent. So is President Obama really saying that former President Bush is twice as good of a president than he because I think the former president left office with an approval rating of 25 to 30 percent.

This makes me think of opposite day from elementary school. "James, I love you... Ha! It's opposite day so I really said I hate you!"

"Ladies and gentlemen of the American public, today is opposite day so the Jews and Palestinians love each other, the Iranian president has purchased himself a new "members only" jacket, unemployment is at an all time low, and the federal reserve has so much money that they are going to give it back to the American people. I don't appreciate you and God please don't bless America."

What I find so despicable about politics is that the President's "opposite day speech" could very well be the State of the Union address in a few days. Boy, statistics sure are tricky.

How to Man Up...

Some pretty serious things have been going on in my life and I will be able to talk about them in a few days, but this needs to be mentioned now. I don't know how many of you watched Conan O'brien's last episode on the Tonight Show, but his farewell speech was absolutely amazing! I don't know what I would do if I were in his position. Sure, the $30 million dollars would help, but for Conan to be so conciliatory and gracious makes him top notch in my book. After watching that speech tonight, there is no doubt in my mind the type of man that I want to be. Jim Valvano's "never give up" will go down as my number 1 most moving delivery, but Conan O'brien is going to be number 2. What a fantastic act for us all to follow...

NBC is forcing other sites to take the clip down so here is from NBC.com. You have to forward to 32 minutes

Why I hate new semesters...

1.) Re-remembering how heavy my circa-2003 laptop is by the throbbing muscles in my middle back.
2.) Hearing the words dude, bro (pronounced bra), what up?, tight, dawg, or "Oh... my god!"
3.) $32.78 for single-subject notebooks, folders, pens, and pencils.
4.) SCANTRONS
5.) Dealing with the folks that don't believe they should pay extra for parking by tailgating me into parking garages.
6.) Having my syllabus read to me.
7.) The word "jagtag" re-enters my vocabulary (I find it hilarious that university employees don't understand when I refer to a jagtag as my "university issued identification card").
8.) Staring up the school bus steps.
9a.) Feeling obese and decrepit because I have classes with girls, not women, that I could devour over the length of a football game while LEGALLY consuming alcohol.
9b.) Starting another semester being constantly reminded that I can't yet fit into Hurley and Abercrombie.
10.) You know what? Think of your own damn list cause I've got enough writing to do this semester!!!

And with that, the life-improvement roller coaster keeps on chuggin' along...

a quick note

Dear Donovan McNabb,

Rush Limbaugh just might have been correct about you...