Today's weight was 359 pounds. Since my weight fluctuates so much from day-to-day, I calculate a daily 7-day average for comparison purposes and on Sundays I generate a report:
High weight: 362.5
Low weight: 357
7-day average weight (Monday): 361.57
7-day average weight (Sunday): 358.93
Weekly weight loss: 2.643 pounds
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Today's Weight
357.5. Today's weight, or more the gained half-pound, is brought to you by Dairy Queen and their fine assortment of Blizzard flavor treats!
Honestly though, I would have had to eat about six of Blizzards yesterday to have that half-pound be all Blizzard though it isn't a good idea to eat one daily. Yesterday was the start of summer, as it was the last day of school for the princess, so what better way then to meet the bus with some Alice Cooper blaring as we sang "School's Out" on our way to the local Dairy Queen. Calorically not the best plan, but there are just some aspects of Americana that you can never do without...
Also, though the blueberry biscuits from Hardees also may sound like a bad idea, but maybe not that bad of an idea. Turns out they are 470 calories a piece bad, but oooh so delicious!
Honestly though, I would have had to eat about six of Blizzards yesterday to have that half-pound be all Blizzard though it isn't a good idea to eat one daily. Yesterday was the start of summer, as it was the last day of school for the princess, so what better way then to meet the bus with some Alice Cooper blaring as we sang "School's Out" on our way to the local Dairy Queen. Calorically not the best plan, but there are just some aspects of Americana that you can never do without...
Also, though the blueberry biscuits from Hardees also may sound like a bad idea, but maybe not that bad of an idea. Turns out they are 470 calories a piece bad, but oooh so delicious!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
"Rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin'... WHAT?"
358.5! Today's daily weigh in is brought to you by [enter corporate sponsorship here]. I sure couldn't have lost 151.5 pounds without [product name] which was researched, finely tuned, and available to you by the fine folks over at [corporate sponsor]. Yum! Tastes life saving :D
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
The right direction!
359.5...
Dear FedEx,
Throwing boxes, or gently picking up every box and walking it to the moving conveyor belt depending on who is reading, is great exercise. You make the fat man in me just a little tinyier everytime I clock in...
Dear FedEx,
Throwing boxes, or gently picking up every box and walking it to the moving conveyor belt depending on who is reading, is great exercise. You make the fat man in me just a little tinyier everytime I clock in...
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Mrs. Gosselin, your children called and they need you at home…
Before drifting away to sleep last night I happened across Entertainment Tonight. ET was keeping up with their 24-7 Dancing with the Stars coverage as they featured their behind the scenes correspondent Kate Gosselin of TLC's Jon and Kate plus Eight fame. Watching Mrs. Gosselin made me start to think about which one of them, Jon or Kate, was more responsible for the downfall of TLC's little cash cow. Now I'll admit that I've never seen the show, but I don't think it takes a half hour of coverage to see the true piece of dysfunctional garbage that is Jon Gosselin. What I found so disturbing the other night is that with The Gosselin's entrance into the public spectrum serving as the catalyst that destroyed their family and potentially ruined the lives of her eight beloved children, she (Kate Gosselin) still can't tear herself away from that damn idiot box and focus her attention on the only eight young lives that truly depend on her. So maybe the only real difference between the two proud owners of the "plus eight" is that one just has a much better publicist than the other!I've previously equated parents that push their young children into the spotlight as pimps with more talent to work with and better resources, but I hold those parents in sainthood over those parents that use their children as stepping stones, decorations, or mere pawns in order to fulfill their dreams of happiness. I'm thinking of men that are passive aggressive little cowards that like to have children because it requires the least amount of effort to have people to look up to them and respect them without question; all the while blowing more air into their overinflated egos. These are the type of people that will leave their children in a heartbeat for greener pastures, but will cling to visitation, control, and more importantly their title as if they were still sleeping every waking night five steps down the hall.
The problem here is that more and more people are living along these days, but the population growth isn't slowing down. That means this population increase is leading to the creation of more and more single parent households. The problem is that a person's word just doesn't mean anything, inasmuch as a commitment to starting a family, either through a conscious effort with family planning or through unprotected sex with unintended consequences, many times lasts just as long as the act of creation. So why are we as a society so inclined to bite off more than we can chew almost as if it were fashionable? Our economy is in such turmoil right now because millions upon millions of people took out $400,000 and $500,000 mortgages when they made less than $100,000 a year which would be the sexual equivalent of having a weekend of unprotected sex while popping fertility drugs like skittles! This makes me think of a friend in college who had the money to pay rent but decided to spend it on beer money and a new TV. When his landlord kicked him out, my friend was absolutely livid and claimed the landlord didn't even need the money because he saw him driving a BMW!
When my queen and I started dating, my best friend asked me if I was ready to be a daddy, since my queen had a daughter. I remember smirking and responding that these days a daddy pays child support and only sees their kids during visitations so then were the daddies out there ready to be like me? When the princess is in the house, I can't help but make her the constant center of attention and she isn't even my daughter! I just don't understand how so many people can think so little of the greatest gift and the greatest joy they will ever know. Dr. Laura Schlessinger used to be, not sure if she still is, a radio talk show host and her whole mantra was, "I am my kid's mom." Her whole belief, and she would council callers to such, is that no matter what happens a parent should always put their kids first; no matter how troubled a marriage you find a way to make it work at least until they're 18. Eventually she was written off as some right-wing religious zealot, because Schlessinger is clearly a Christian name, but I think her message is solid. Our children are our most precious resource and they should be treated as such. So today, if only for today, why don't you ask your kids what they would like to do today and see what you can't do to make that happen. Maybe you could watch or even be on TV just 10 minutes less and use that time to play dolls, shoot hoops, or read a book together. If you're still confused then just stop what you're doing and follow your kids around for a while and you evolutionary instincts should kick in eventually. And finally, Kate Gosselin, leave the TV cameras in Hollywood and go home to your kids!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
"What dreams may come"
The other night, a surreal feeling of calm overtook me on my way to the car. I stopped, stood in the parking lot, took a deep breath, and miraculously felt like a whole new man. As that overwhelming urge started to subside, I realized what it was. Since it had rained all evening, I had stumbled into that post-shower pot of new, fresh air that was absolutely intoxicating!
Rain is natures way of starting anew. For all of the dust, fowl odors, pollution, and whatnot that is kicked up in the air day after day, all it takes is a fresh little rain shower to wash our most precious necessity fresh and clean. Even in the dark, our planet is never asleep so I like to think of the rain as Mother Nature's attempt to recline in a hammock somewhere and catch a few z's. Doesn't Mother Nature have to sleep in a hammock? And in one of those Corona commercials. It's just fitting...
So what else would Mother Nature do during her little siestas, but dream? She must dream of all the beautiful things that she can create once those dark skies subside. A waterfall, a tropical paradise, rolling prairie that goes on forever, snow capped mountains, and streams or rivers that you could only see in a post card; all dreams of our beloved Mother Nature. Rain is so important for survival on this planet, just as dreams are so important to our emotional survival. We all need washed clean so we can rise the next day with that spring rain-esque feeling of new beginnings.
Has anybody stopped to critically think about Mother Nature? I'm not talking about global warming, greenhouse gases, or climate change but Mother Nature the person. Who is she? Where is she from? Does she have a family? How about a sister I could go out with? How does she feel about global warming? How much education is required to be considered for the planet mother position? Do they require references and what kind of background check is involved? Are they hiring for any other positions? Do they have casual Friday? Do they offer dental?
What I'm getting at is who asked her to be Mother Nature? Did she volunteer? I mean who would do such a thing? That is an awesome responsibility! What if she gets sick or has a death in the family? What happens when Mother Nature decides to take a personal day? What happens when Mrs. (I'm assuming) Nature starts going through menopause? If she travels does she experience jet lag, and what happens to the planet because of it? In that case, what happens if her circadian rhythms were to get messed up and the moon came out in the day and the sun came out at night? What if...
What if she became so sad and tired of all of the death and destruction from hurricanes, floods, and earthquakes that she stopped dreaming altogether? As if she made it her job to protect us all from the destructive aspects of weather by trying to stay awake forever? How would this planet survive without rain? How would we live without dreams? After a year of struggling with this same issue, I can tell you that life is pretty miserable without dreams and it's even more painful when you abstain from dreaming in order to protect those you hold dear.
Over the last year, my life improvement has stagnated. And though I've tried to attribute it to a number of different factors, the truth is that I've lost my desire. I've stopped dreaming. I've taken a blind eye to what is necessary to improve myself, and I've chosen to stop growing as an individual. I'm afraid to dream because I fear that my dreams and personal growth will take me in a direction that is not in sync with the futures of my queen or princess. The good news is that this isn't a unique problem. I think that a lot of people stop growing as individuals when they get into a relationship for fear that their personal growth might steer them away from this fresh joy in their lives and they don't realize they've lost their individuality until the relationship hits the skids.
The problem is that this doesn't feel like some hesitation to conform. There is something much bigger at play. Fear. I am afraid. And though I thought I was afraid of leaving my royal family, the truth is that I am afraid of failure. You see when I started this journey, the fog of depression was so thick in my mind, that I was completely indifferent to the whole process and the ominous road that lied before me. Plus, at 510 pounds, I had nowhere to go but up. Now, I'm actually starting to look like a normal human being and I'm developing the muscles and physique of a damn fine human being! I'm looking better, I'm feeling better, and I'm studying in a degree program that actually feels like home. For the first time in my life, those size 62 pants where I keep all of my emotional shortcomings and bad decisions have a few metaphorical coins in the front pocket and I'm afraid of losing what I've accumulated thus far. As I have said before, it isn't how low you get that is so painful, but its how fast and how far you fall in comparison to where you began. What began as my abstinence from dreaming to protect my family became me hiding behind them for fear of what the future would hold.
I recently had a philosophy assignment where I had to discuss Nozick's "Experience Machine." Nozick's machine is a device that could be programmed to create any and every experience in the world; sex, power, fame, or even peace. So the question became whether or not you would get into the machine. Nozick believed that most people would abstain because just having the experience without the toil and effort to achieve it would result in an empty victory and hardly worth the experience. My comment was that it isn't whether I would get into the machine, but don't we as a society already have experience machines? We drink alcohol, we abuse narcotics, we take antidepressants, we overeat, we engage in loveless intercourse, and we tell lies. Aren't all of these things a way to escape from the pain that we feel inside; if only for a single moment? I have come to realize that I was wrong.
Truth is, we already live in an "Experience Machine!" In this world, there isn't anything we can't do! You want to be the President? Fine, go be the President. 44 men have already used the "Experience Machine" for that one. Wanna fly? We can do that! Swim with the dolphins? Go to the beach, go to Sea World, or go get stoned with Ricky Williams (running back for the Miami Dolphins) and you can fly and swim with a Dolphin at the same time... I'm talking about "manifest destiny." If you want it then go out and get it! The only thing standing between you and your dreams is yourself!" Now granted, if you want to experience flying like a bird so you jump off a skyscraper, you will die, but what piece of equipment doesn't have a bug or two? I'm sure you all have witnessed Microsoft's "blue screen of doom." Maybe Nozick can fix those qwerks for version 2.3 or hopefully Apple CEO Steve Jobs will buy it and develop it into iLife...
So say the door to this magical device is like a bright, beaming light in an endless plain of shadows and darkness, then I am huddled on the ground, paralyzed with fear, just outside the grasp of the light. It isn't the endless possibilities that frightens me, but more the high probability that I'm going to follow the wrong one. I have made too many mistakes in my life and here I am. I don't have any drugs addictions, I'm not in debt, I don't have a litter of children spread across the country, and I'm not a felon! My teeth are clean, I'm in perfect health, and I've still maintained my friends and family. Why? Why? Why? Aside from the 300 extra pounds that accumulated throughout my body and the long list of emotional problems, I'm still standing tall and that is what is so terrifying!
They say that the odds of being struck by lighting twice are better than winning the lottery. In my case, I feel like I've won the jackpot twelve weeks in a row so now I really need to stay indoors, even when the sun is shinning, because it just seems like my time to be struck by lightning is long past up. I want to do right by my life and I want to follow my dreams, but I feel I need to always be zigging and zagging to avoid the lighting for fear that this will be the one that takes me all the way down, and worse takes the people I love down with me. This might sound absolutely ridiculous, but I can't help but feel this way and it is driving be bananas!
Unlike most of the blogs I write, there is no happy ending, there is no right choice, and there is no solution; only more questions. Though I don't know the correct path, it is time to move forward. Fear not only makes us human, but it also guides us by teaching us who we really are. I need to bring accountability back into my life and it starts right now. Today I weighed 361.5 pounds and though I have made incredible headway, I am absolutely ashamed and embarrassed for the world to quantifiably know just how many mistakes I've made. But accountability comes through honesty, so from now on I'm going to publish my daily weight right here on my blog so that there will be no more excuses or explanations for what is happening with my weight; just one number plain and simple.
I like to use other's words in my writing because I feel that there are so many people wiser than I who can create a masterpiece of the emotions I'm trying to convey. It was definitely a toss up, but I settled on, "And in the end on dreams we will depend cause that's what dreams are made of..."
Run, run, run away
Like a train runnin' off the track
Got the truth bein' left behind
Falls between the cracks
Standin' on broken dreams
Never losin' sight, ah
Well just spread your wings
We'll get higher and higher
Straight up we'll climb
We'll get higher and higher
Leave it all behind
So baby dry your eyes
Save all the tears you've cried
Oh, that's what dreams are made of
'Cause we belong in a world that must be strong
Oh, that's what dreams are made of...
Dreams by Van Halen
Rain is natures way of starting anew. For all of the dust, fowl odors, pollution, and whatnot that is kicked up in the air day after day, all it takes is a fresh little rain shower to wash our most precious necessity fresh and clean. Even in the dark, our planet is never asleep so I like to think of the rain as Mother Nature's attempt to recline in a hammock somewhere and catch a few z's. Doesn't Mother Nature have to sleep in a hammock? And in one of those Corona commercials. It's just fitting...
So what else would Mother Nature do during her little siestas, but dream? She must dream of all the beautiful things that she can create once those dark skies subside. A waterfall, a tropical paradise, rolling prairie that goes on forever, snow capped mountains, and streams or rivers that you could only see in a post card; all dreams of our beloved Mother Nature. Rain is so important for survival on this planet, just as dreams are so important to our emotional survival. We all need washed clean so we can rise the next day with that spring rain-esque feeling of new beginnings.
Has anybody stopped to critically think about Mother Nature? I'm not talking about global warming, greenhouse gases, or climate change but Mother Nature the person. Who is she? Where is she from? Does she have a family? How about a sister I could go out with? How does she feel about global warming? How much education is required to be considered for the planet mother position? Do they require references and what kind of background check is involved? Are they hiring for any other positions? Do they have casual Friday? Do they offer dental?
What I'm getting at is who asked her to be Mother Nature? Did she volunteer? I mean who would do such a thing? That is an awesome responsibility! What if she gets sick or has a death in the family? What happens when Mother Nature decides to take a personal day? What happens when Mrs. (I'm assuming) Nature starts going through menopause? If she travels does she experience jet lag, and what happens to the planet because of it? In that case, what happens if her circadian rhythms were to get messed up and the moon came out in the day and the sun came out at night? What if...
What if she became so sad and tired of all of the death and destruction from hurricanes, floods, and earthquakes that she stopped dreaming altogether? As if she made it her job to protect us all from the destructive aspects of weather by trying to stay awake forever? How would this planet survive without rain? How would we live without dreams? After a year of struggling with this same issue, I can tell you that life is pretty miserable without dreams and it's even more painful when you abstain from dreaming in order to protect those you hold dear.
Over the last year, my life improvement has stagnated. And though I've tried to attribute it to a number of different factors, the truth is that I've lost my desire. I've stopped dreaming. I've taken a blind eye to what is necessary to improve myself, and I've chosen to stop growing as an individual. I'm afraid to dream because I fear that my dreams and personal growth will take me in a direction that is not in sync with the futures of my queen or princess. The good news is that this isn't a unique problem. I think that a lot of people stop growing as individuals when they get into a relationship for fear that their personal growth might steer them away from this fresh joy in their lives and they don't realize they've lost their individuality until the relationship hits the skids.
The problem is that this doesn't feel like some hesitation to conform. There is something much bigger at play. Fear. I am afraid. And though I thought I was afraid of leaving my royal family, the truth is that I am afraid of failure. You see when I started this journey, the fog of depression was so thick in my mind, that I was completely indifferent to the whole process and the ominous road that lied before me. Plus, at 510 pounds, I had nowhere to go but up. Now, I'm actually starting to look like a normal human being and I'm developing the muscles and physique of a damn fine human being! I'm looking better, I'm feeling better, and I'm studying in a degree program that actually feels like home. For the first time in my life, those size 62 pants where I keep all of my emotional shortcomings and bad decisions have a few metaphorical coins in the front pocket and I'm afraid of losing what I've accumulated thus far. As I have said before, it isn't how low you get that is so painful, but its how fast and how far you fall in comparison to where you began. What began as my abstinence from dreaming to protect my family became me hiding behind them for fear of what the future would hold.
I recently had a philosophy assignment where I had to discuss Nozick's "Experience Machine." Nozick's machine is a device that could be programmed to create any and every experience in the world; sex, power, fame, or even peace. So the question became whether or not you would get into the machine. Nozick believed that most people would abstain because just having the experience without the toil and effort to achieve it would result in an empty victory and hardly worth the experience. My comment was that it isn't whether I would get into the machine, but don't we as a society already have experience machines? We drink alcohol, we abuse narcotics, we take antidepressants, we overeat, we engage in loveless intercourse, and we tell lies. Aren't all of these things a way to escape from the pain that we feel inside; if only for a single moment? I have come to realize that I was wrong.
Truth is, we already live in an "Experience Machine!" In this world, there isn't anything we can't do! You want to be the President? Fine, go be the President. 44 men have already used the "Experience Machine" for that one. Wanna fly? We can do that! Swim with the dolphins? Go to the beach, go to Sea World, or go get stoned with Ricky Williams (running back for the Miami Dolphins) and you can fly and swim with a Dolphin at the same time... I'm talking about "manifest destiny." If you want it then go out and get it! The only thing standing between you and your dreams is yourself!" Now granted, if you want to experience flying like a bird so you jump off a skyscraper, you will die, but what piece of equipment doesn't have a bug or two? I'm sure you all have witnessed Microsoft's "blue screen of doom." Maybe Nozick can fix those qwerks for version 2.3 or hopefully Apple CEO Steve Jobs will buy it and develop it into iLife...
So say the door to this magical device is like a bright, beaming light in an endless plain of shadows and darkness, then I am huddled on the ground, paralyzed with fear, just outside the grasp of the light. It isn't the endless possibilities that frightens me, but more the high probability that I'm going to follow the wrong one. I have made too many mistakes in my life and here I am. I don't have any drugs addictions, I'm not in debt, I don't have a litter of children spread across the country, and I'm not a felon! My teeth are clean, I'm in perfect health, and I've still maintained my friends and family. Why? Why? Why? Aside from the 300 extra pounds that accumulated throughout my body and the long list of emotional problems, I'm still standing tall and that is what is so terrifying!
They say that the odds of being struck by lighting twice are better than winning the lottery. In my case, I feel like I've won the jackpot twelve weeks in a row so now I really need to stay indoors, even when the sun is shinning, because it just seems like my time to be struck by lightning is long past up. I want to do right by my life and I want to follow my dreams, but I feel I need to always be zigging and zagging to avoid the lighting for fear that this will be the one that takes me all the way down, and worse takes the people I love down with me. This might sound absolutely ridiculous, but I can't help but feel this way and it is driving be bananas!
Unlike most of the blogs I write, there is no happy ending, there is no right choice, and there is no solution; only more questions. Though I don't know the correct path, it is time to move forward. Fear not only makes us human, but it also guides us by teaching us who we really are. I need to bring accountability back into my life and it starts right now. Today I weighed 361.5 pounds and though I have made incredible headway, I am absolutely ashamed and embarrassed for the world to quantifiably know just how many mistakes I've made. But accountability comes through honesty, so from now on I'm going to publish my daily weight right here on my blog so that there will be no more excuses or explanations for what is happening with my weight; just one number plain and simple.
I like to use other's words in my writing because I feel that there are so many people wiser than I who can create a masterpiece of the emotions I'm trying to convey. It was definitely a toss up, but I settled on, "And in the end on dreams we will depend cause that's what dreams are made of..."
Run, run, run away
Like a train runnin' off the track
Got the truth bein' left behind
Falls between the cracks
Standin' on broken dreams
Never losin' sight, ah
Well just spread your wings
We'll get higher and higher
Straight up we'll climb
We'll get higher and higher
Leave it all behind
So baby dry your eyes
Save all the tears you've cried
Oh, that's what dreams are made of
'Cause we belong in a world that must be strong
Oh, that's what dreams are made of...
Dreams by Van Halen
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