"Do not take with alcohol....."

So, as you know from following my blog, I've been on antidepressants for almost 18 months now and on the label is clearly says, "do not take with alcohol." Every time that I have to go to the doctor for a refill she says, "now be sure not to take this with alcohol." So, what do I go out and do?....... That's right, I take it with alcohol.

Because of my lifetime body correction program, I don't drink that often, but I have noticed that being drunk just hasn't been the same. I feel so much more happy when I'm intoxicated. Now before I'm hauled off to Alcoholics Annonymous, let me explain. Now that I've made such strides in improving my life emotional and physically, I feel so much happier when I happen to be intoxicated now compared to when I was intoxicated before I got control of my life. I might have seemed fun before, but to be honest, I was just so damn angry! Now, all of the anger seems to be gone and when I drink, it's just happiness, for the most part, and I'm a lot less uninhibited than I was before. The hangovers have been worse though, but I figured it was from not drinking as much anymore.

As I've mentioned recently, I've just discovered an allergy to wheat; so no beer! So, I've had to switch to rum for occasions that call for mass consumption of alcohol. Saturday night was my first "no beer night" and I'm so ashamed at my behavior. I'm not going to go into details, because I don't remember most of them, but one moment I was fine and the next I was plowed beyond all recognition! I felt so incredible! I guess the alcohol intensifies the effects of the heavy amount of antidepressants I take and I felt on top of the world. Half way into the night, I was walking the streets wondering if I had taken ectascy, because emotionally, it's what I felt like.

Yes, to answer your question right now, I've taken ectasy! Back to the story....

I knew I was becoming a burden to my friends, so I got a cab back to my vehicle, climbed into the bed of the truck, and slept (quite uncomfortably). As great as I had felt the night before, I felt the polar opposite the next day. The hangover quickly ended, but emotionally I was in the toilet. I spent the next day and a half in this horrible, terrifying haze of depression, pain, and despair, and the worst part was that I absolutely knew better! I finally took something which killed the depression / anxiety, and managed 12 plus hours of sleep before I got back to my good 'ole self again.

So, it's with that story in mind that I officially hang up my Lambda Chi drinkin' shoes for good. I've got too many good things in my life now to start playing games with my sanity and emotional wellbeing. The thing is that I know that with my family history of depression, this isn't a temporary decision. That thought makes me somewhat sad because even with all the pain in my past, I have so many good memories with my brothers at Lambda Chi Alpha, and a lot of them have alcohol involved in some way or another.

Now, at this point, the former President of the chapter is jumping up and down in front of his computer screaming, "I told you so! I told you so!" because he and I used to argue in college because he was trying to change the "drunkerd" mentality of the house and I just couldn't understand why. Looking back, if only I had some sober memories with my brothers, then I might not feel that ending this tradition means I'm ending my place within the fraternity. Now any public service manager of any chapter would jump in and mention all of the good things that Lambda Chi does for the community and how important brotherhood is, and they're absolutely right. Fraternity does have an incredible amount of positive qualities and traditions beyond alcohol, but in college I was too busy with the bad traditions to commit some of the better traditions to heart.

The good news is that alcohol, cab fare, and 1:30am munchie food is expensive. My only problem now is I need to think of a new excuse to lay on the couch and watch football instead of working on the jobs on my "honey-do list." Now, I just need to be ready for when Hank Williams sings, " Andy, why do you drink?" so I can scream, "I don't!"

I'm reminded of that line in the movie Road Trip, "Josh.... this is college. The window of opportunity to drink, do drugs, and take advantage of unsuspecting young women is getting smaller by the day. In ten years, we're going to have to pay for these kind of girls!" And since I'm probably going to hell already, I'll tie that quote into the Sound of Music, "when the lord closes a door; he always opens a window...."

To be fair, it is my list and I'm the one giving myself a hard time for not getting this stuff done, but that is another issue for a different day!