A Little Late to the Party

It's a little late, but I've reached a fairly major milestone in my life! Now, I'll admit that it's a milestone that should have been attained nearly 18 years ago, but it feels good to be part of the club. Tonight, for the first time in my entire life, I flossed my teeth,without even being told. No kidding; tonight, I actually flossed, brushed, and mouthwashed and my mouth feels absolutely fantastic!

Now that I've revealed this completely embarrassing little truth, I should get to why this is so important before you walk away in disgust. One of the major problems with depression is lack of motivation and I think my depression is one of the contributing factors to why I never grasped that fundamental concept as I grew older. I was always cutting corners as a teenager. I worked harder at avoiding work than actually doing the job I was tasked. I, as well as my immediate family, would and did call that lazy. The fact of that matter is, I grew up without any desire to improve myself. None! Work always led to rewards that just didn't call to me; satisfaction, a feeling of accomplishment, pride. Nothing.

There is this anti-drug commercial where this pet is talking to it's teenage owner about how he wishes the kid would quit smoking dope. When you see the teenager, he's this pancake thin figure that appears to be molded to the couch. That commercial feels so very familiar because I spent years and years feeling that way, and I just assumed it was normal.

On a biophysical level, depression will slow or halt the transmission of electrons through the neuropathways in the brain so the longer you live in a depressed state, the less your brain in able to perform.

As this fog of depression is lifting, my mind and my emotions are finally waking up. I'm understanding concepts that I failed to grasp and I'm actually experiencing real emotions like fear, anxiety, happiness,and joy! Life is actually worth living. It is such an incredible experience to slowly wake from this two decade slumber and to begin making a difference in my life. I'm now motivated to achieve amazing things for the personal satisfaction and the help I could be to others instead of wanting to be at the top so my worthless live could be easier to manage.

It should be mentioned that even though I discuss the issues, mistakes, and misdeeds that I've had or made while trapped inside this depressive fog, I make no attempt to excuse or justify my behavior. Though the decisions I've made in my life might not have been made in a suitable environment, the poor choices that I've made are my responsibility and mine alone.....

That said, I contently set and watch as this day draws to a close with excitement and anticipation of the uncertainty that lies just beyond the horizon. Now that the sun has finally come into focus from behind the clouds, I'm fairly certain that I've got at least a "punchers chance" at making a difference and that means everything to me! Flossing felt so great that I think I'll do it again tomorrow!!!