On Behalf of our Colts, Dear President Obama...

Dear President Obama,

At this moment you are probably wrapping up your State of Union address, but there is one state that I feel is more important than the rest. Indiana! On behalf of this great state, I would like to ask you for a small favor. I mean this with all due respect but please, for all that is good and holy in this world, please stay away from Indiana for the next 10 days. Please don't call, write, or visit. Most importantly when you refer to our hometown Super Bowl bound football team, please refer to them as your beloved New Orleans Saints' opponents!

Please don't take this as a personal or political attack but as a simple request on behalf of my hometown NFL team that you don't have to mention. I don't know how to delicately say this, but lately you've been Bush-ing things and I can explain why.

You represented the United States, more specifically the city of Chicago, before the International Olympic Committee and that didn't turn out in our favor. You campaigned for Martha Coakley in Massachusetts and she lost "Teddy" Kennedy's seat to Scott Brown. You have also campaigned for Creigh Deeds and John Corzine in the Virginia and New Jersey governors races and they lost. You were even gracious enough to fly down to Georgia and stump for Councilwoman Mary Norwood in the Atlanta mayoral election, but once again came up short.

And finally for the coup de grace, it sure was nice of you to call the undefeated, number one ranked Kentucky Wildcats yesterday. The team helped raise a million dollars towards the relief effort in Haiti and I'm sure it meant so much for them to receive a phone call from the President of the United States. I know you mean well and I also know you're very, very busy so I should tell you that last night those very same Kentucky Wildcats lost to the South Carolina Gamecocks 68 to 62! The Wildcats are undefeated no more.

Sir, if you really appreciate the hoosiers that helped make you the first democratic presidential candidate in quite some time to win our great state, then please don't say anything about our local football team that has a pretty big game coming up next week. How about for the next 10 days, we just don't exist! Lets just say that if you're driving from Washington D.C. to Los Angeles, you'll drive through Ohio, get to the border, and what do you know you're in Illinois already! I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings and I promise this will only be a few days.

Oh, and one more thing. In May when we crown another Indianapolis 500 winner, please stay away from him, or her, as well because their job requires them to move at over 220 miles per hour! I just don't think that would be safe...

I hope there are no hard feelings,



Andy Ashby